I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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