Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
