My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
