If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think i have two assholes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
