I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
