We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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