someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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