Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
