We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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