I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
