It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
do herpes really smell.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
