I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've blown a few things in my day
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Someone signed my nipple.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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