she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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