They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
