your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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