Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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