he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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