So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
