i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
