I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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