I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
