im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
