I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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