im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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