I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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