I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
