This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
