"it" just moved
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
