Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
