The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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