We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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