if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
