Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
