i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
