Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
