I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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