I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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