I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
