just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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