i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
