why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it hurts more in the daytime
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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