I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
