There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
