OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
