.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
