i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
