so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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