i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
