you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
