Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
