Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
