Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
